There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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