i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize