All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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