Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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