smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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