discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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