found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
