It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
