You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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