just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
