Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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