Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
