Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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