Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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