What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
