i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
