Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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