What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
