you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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