i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
