highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
