Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
