Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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