omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
