she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
