She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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