Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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