fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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