we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
