he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
