No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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