sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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