Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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