its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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