dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
