it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
