And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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