How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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