I'm lost and stupid without you.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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