can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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