question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want her autograph on my taint
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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