we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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