Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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