therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
