we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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