New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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