I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
