I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
