so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Enjoy the penises
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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