omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
