Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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