People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
