When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
