awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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