God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
