Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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