he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
