Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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