i just sent this text using only my big toe
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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