Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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