there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
