alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
