you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
