Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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