You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
