I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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